Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jperry@oahu.cs.ucla.edu (John Perry)
Subject: t.b. Infrequently Asked Questions (IAQ)
Date: Tue, 24 May 94 19:52:03 GMT



         talk.bizarre Infrequently Asked Questions list (t.b IAQ)
         --------------------------------------------------------

  This is not a FAQ.  This article will not answer questions like
"What is the purpose of this group?"  or "Who is CARASSO? or
even "What does `IHNJH, IJLS' mean".  Rather, this is a collection
of questions that haven't been asked here (much), and what I 
determine to be the appropriate response given the nature of the
froup.  Obviously, I had to show some restraint, as the number
of questions that haven't been asked here is astronomical.  Thus,
I've limited it to questions that might have been asked here,
but just haven't.  If you disagree with the response, then
YAASA, STFU.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Q1: Well Mark., how was it?

 A: Hrm... Actually, it was a lot wetter than I expected.
    Yes, ... wet... and sticky... and wonderful.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Q2: Where can I get the list of Bill Bixby Haikus?

 A: Golly, I'd be happy to send it to you by email, but I lost
    my copy.  I know where there is a copy though.  Go down by
    the Colluseum and look for a big black guy wearing a ski
    cap.  Tell him his mama sent you, and he'll give it to you.
    Glad we could help.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Q3: Why am I in so many people's killfiles?

 A: 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Q4: Is this the right group to talk about my past relationships
    and why they didn't work in?

 A: Why yes, this is the correct forum for that topic.  We'd be
    happy to ridicule and scorn you and confirm for you what
    a useless and boring twit you are.  

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Q5: What do you look for in a mate?

 A: A good command of the English language, rudimentary social
    skills, a good sense of humor, and a great set of h00ters.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Q6: Do you find personal hygiene to be tedious and boring?

 A: No.  Now piss off while I floss with one of your SO's
    pubic hairs.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Q7: How can I get some more email?

 A: Followup to the next post in this group that says something
    inflammatory.  You should be receiving lots of `fanmail'
    shortly thereafter.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Q8: Is there an official t.b. theme song?

 A: Yes, each person who posts here has their own official t.b
    theme song.  Yours is "Suicide is Painless."  Why don't you
    live out your own personal theme song right now.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Q9: Does t.b. have some sort of social ajenda?

 A: You misspelled agenda, you brainless asshole.  What unnatural
    force compelled you to post such a lame, misguided query in
    the first place?  Were you born this stupid, or was it a 
    result of all the beatings to the head administered by your
    parents, teachers, peers, and anyone else who happened to
    come within earshot?  I recommend that you place an ad in
    your local newspaper to rent out the space inside your
    skull, because it's certainly not occupied by anything right
    now.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Q10: Do you wear boxers or briefs?

  A: This is a FAQ.  You should check the t.b. FAQ list for the
     answer to this question.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Q11: Did you hear Jackie-O died?

  A: Wet spot on the bed
     J F K knows what it was
     it was Jackie's O

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

List compiled by: John Perry
Send your submissions to: Donna-the-Dominatrix@dev.null