The Richard Nixon Memorial Burma Shave Showdown

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: (John Perry)
Subject: Dick Nixon Memorial Burma Shave Showdown
Date: Fri, 29 Apr 94 17:07:40 GMT

Let's face it, haikus are getting a bit blase.  For this reason I've
decided Nixon deserves something more, something deeper.  Thus I announce
the start of the fabulous Dick Nixon Memorial Burma Shave Showdown.
Show your appreciation for our ex-pres with a Burma Shave poem, send
them to me and at some point (read: when I get bored of it), I'll 
announce the winners.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the form, Burma Shave was a
shaving cream company in the U.S. that advertised from the `20s to the
`60s by placing a series of signs alongside the road that composed 
a short (4-line) poem.  Some were about shaving, some about how your
date would like you better if you used Burma Shave, some about driving,
etc.  Yours will be about Dick Nixon.  For example:


The winners will receive the ultimate prize ever, which is to be
determined at a later date.

Send your submissions to:

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre From: (John Perry) Subject: Nixon Burma Shave Showdown Winners! Date: Wed, 08 Jun 94 17:41:29 GMT Yes, finally, here are the winners of the Dick Nixon Memorial Burma Shave Showdown. There were lots of good entries, and I'm sure tricky Dick would have been proud to have had most of them inscribed on his headstone. If the winners will send me their snail mail addresses, I'll send off their prizes. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - first prize goes to Scott Dorsey, for DICKIE SLEPT THROUGH MARTIN'S DREAM. AT LEAST HE KEPT HIS TAPE HEADS CLEAN with BURMA SHAVE First prize consists of Star Trek: The Screen Saver, issue #2 of Lunatic Binge, a Where's Dan Quayle book (kinda like Where's Waldo), and a Bush-Quayle 92 Bumper Sticker. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - second prize goes to Ilana, for NOW HE'S SIX FEET UNDERGROUND WON'T HAVE DICK TO KICK AROUND BURMA SHAVE The lucky second prize winner takes home a prize package of 3 mutant militant critter comics (Mildly-Microwaved Pre-Pubescent Kung-Fu Gophers, Naive Inter-Dimensional Commando Koalas, and Pre-Teen Dirty-Gene Kung-Fu Kangaroos), a Symantec solar powered disk-calculator, and a Donald Duck Pez dispenser. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - and finally, third prize goes to Sean Ryan for this campaign-slogan/memorial-Burma-Shave: Vote for Nixon In '72 Why change dicks In the middle of a screw Burma Shave Consistent with the theme of his poem, Sean will receive an IN-N-OUT BURGER bumper sticker and a "Ross Perot for President '92" button [Ross came in third too]. All three lucky winners will also receive a tape of studio mixes of selections from the Liberal Materialists forthcoming release Brain Food Cookies (shameless plug for my band). - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Here's the complete list of entrants: From: YOU CAN CROSS THE MASON-DIXON BUT YOU CAN'T CROSS RICHARD NIXON BURMA SHAVE From: (Gaucho) HERE'S TO DICK FROM YORBA LINDA -- THE INFERNO'S LATEST CINDA BURMA SHAVE From: Out of 'Nam with out a snag But now he is the one In the body bag How does he do it Burma Shave From: (Scott Dorsey) DICKIE SLEPT THROUGH MARTIN'S DREAM. AT LEAST HE KEPT HIS TAPE HEADS CLEAN with BURMA SHAVE From: (Brian Cash) FAREWELL DICK WITH 3 O'CLOCK SHADE ONE LAST TRICK ON US HE PLAYED eat BURMA SHAVE From: (Ilana) NOW HE'S SIX FEET UNDERGROUND WON'T HAVE DICK TO KICK AROUND BURMA SHAVE From: (James A. Gardner) DID HE DIE AND GO TO HECK OR IS HE UP THERE WITH PAT AND CHECKERS? BURMA SHAVE From: mha1@Lehigh.EDU (Michael Alaimo) ON DROOPY JOWLS, 'NEATH SKI SLOPE NOSE, TRICKY DICK'S FIVE O'CLOCK SHADOW GROWS. BURMA SHAVE. From: hoppie@nemesis.EBay.Sun.COM (Tom Hopkins) IF RIGHT OR WRONG WHEN NIXON SAID I'M NOT A CROOK HE'S JUST AS DEAD. BURMA SHAVE THOUGH NIXON'S PLAYED HIS FINAL GAME BART SIMPSON'S FRIEND RETAINS HIS NAME BURMA SHAVE From: (Andrew Solberg) NIXON HAD AN ANEURISM NOW HE'S GONE AND WE'LL SURE MISS 'IM BURMA SHAVE IF HE'D LIVED HE'D SHOW HIS CHARM BY FLASHING "PEACE" WITH JUST ONE ARM BURMA SHAVE From: geoff@ficus.CS.UCLA.EDU (Geoff Kuenning) Richard Nixon Rest in peace Now he's got no One to fleece Richard Nixon What a guy Glad he's sleeping In the sky Richard Nixon Blamed the press For his raging Stubbornness Watergate zapped Tricky Dick 'Cause ol' Liddy Wasn't slick From: (Roy M. Silvernail) I AM NOT A CROOK, SAID HE FOLLOWING WITH PARDON ME BURMA SHAVE From: David Fessenden TRICKY DICKY DICKERED WITH COX BERMMA SHAVE From: Sean P. Ryan Vote for Nixon In '72 Why change dicks In the middle of a screw Burma Shave From: (monsieur HAINEUX) NIXON SAID HE'S NOT A CROOK AND ALL WE GOT WAS GEORGE BUSH BURMA SHAVE From: "D.W. Moore" YOU KNOW IT REALLY MAKES ME SICK, SON TO HEAR THIS PRAISE FOR RICHARD NIXON I WISH THE ROADS WITH SIGNS WERE PLASTERED THAT NIXON WAS A FIBBING BASTARD BURMA SHAVE From: (Volpone) HAD HE DEWHISKERED BEFORE THE DEBATES VICTORY MIGHT HAVE TEMPERED HIS HATES BURMA SHAVE From: (BENth) Kathleen came up with these, and I am posting them for her. I am so proud! NO LONGER HERE STRAIGHT TO HELL TO EXCITE US JUST LIKE A BOMB LIKE THE TIME HE NIXON DROPPED HAD BURSITIS ON VIETNAM BURMA SHAVE BURMA SHAVE CAN WE GUESS EVIL COWARD HOW NIXON FEELS GONE TO HELL WITH SATAN NIPPING SURE DID HATE HIM AT HIS HEELS KNOW DARN WELL BURMA SHAVE BURMA SHAVE NIXON, HOOVER, MCCARTHY, COHN SPIKED THEIR BALLS IN THE END ZONE BURMA SHAVE

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