Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jperry@oahu.cs.ucla.edu (John Perry)
Subject: Dick Nixon Memorial Burma Shave Showdown
Date: Fri, 29 Apr 94 17:07:40 GMT


Let's face it, haikus are getting a bit blase.  For this reason I've
decided Nixon deserves something more, something deeper.  Thus I announce
the start of the fabulous Dick Nixon Memorial Burma Shave Showdown.
Show your appreciation for our ex-pres with a Burma Shave poem, send
them to me and at some point (read: when I get bored of it), I'll 
announce the winners.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the form, Burma Shave was a
shaving cream company in the U.S. that advertised from the `20s to the
`60s by placing a series of signs alongside the road that composed 
a short (4-line) poem.  Some were about shaving, some about how your
date would like you better if you used Burma Shave, some about driving,
etc.  Yours will be about Dick Nixon.  For example:

NIXON GOT US
IN WITH CHINA
NOW HE'S GONE TO
SOMETHING FINA
BURMA SHAVE

The winners will receive the ultimate prize ever, which is to be
determined at a later date.

Send your submissions to:  jperry@cs.ucla.edu

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jperry@oahu.cs.ucla.edu (John Perry)
Subject: Nixon Burma Shave Showdown Winners!
Date: Wed, 08 Jun 94 17:41:29 GMT

Yes, finally, here are the winners of the Dick Nixon Memorial
Burma Shave Showdown.  There were lots of good entries, and
I'm sure tricky Dick would have been proud to have had most
of them inscribed on his headstone.  If the winners will send 
me their snail mail addresses, I'll send off their prizes.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

first prize goes to Scott Dorsey, for

	DICKIE SLEPT
	THROUGH MARTIN'S DREAM.
	AT LEAST HE KEPT
	HIS TAPE HEADS CLEAN
	with BURMA SHAVE

First prize consists of Star Trek: The Screen Saver, issue #2 of Lunatic 
Binge, a Where's Dan Quayle book (kinda like Where's Waldo), and a 
Bush-Quayle 92 Bumper Sticker.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

second prize goes to Ilana, for 

	NOW HE'S SIX FEET
	UNDERGROUND
	WON'T HAVE DICK TO
	KICK AROUND
	BURMA SHAVE

The lucky second prize winner takes home a prize package of 3 mutant
militant critter comics (Mildly-Microwaved Pre-Pubescent Kung-Fu Gophers,
Naive Inter-Dimensional Commando Koalas, and Pre-Teen Dirty-Gene Kung-Fu
Kangaroos), a Symantec solar powered disk-calculator, and a Donald Duck
Pez dispenser.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

and finally, third prize goes to Sean Ryan for this 
campaign-slogan/memorial-Burma-Shave:

	Vote for Nixon 
	In '72
	Why change dicks 
	In the middle of a screw
	Burma Shave

Consistent with the theme of his poem, Sean will receive an
IN-N-OUT BURGER bumper sticker and a "Ross Perot for President '92"
button [Ross came in third too].



All three lucky winners will also receive a tape of studio
mixes of selections from the Liberal Materialists forthcoming
release Brain Food Cookies (shameless plug for my band).

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Here's the complete list of entrants:

From: rapp@cis.udel.edu

	YOU CAN CROSS THE
	MASON-DIXON
	BUT YOU
	CAN'T CROSS
	RICHARD NIXON
	BURMA SHAVE

From: gaucho@netcom.com (Gaucho)

	HERE'S TO DICK FROM
	YORBA LINDA --
	THE INFERNO'S
	LATEST CINDA
	BURMA SHAVE

From: 

	Out of 'Nam with out a snag
	But now he is the one
	In the body bag
	How does he do it
	Burma Shave

From: kludge@netcom.com (Scott Dorsey)

	DICKIE SLEPT
	THROUGH MARTIN'S DREAM.
	AT LEAST HE KEPT
	HIS TAPE HEADS CLEAN
	with BURMA SHAVE

From: bcash@netcom.com (Brian Cash)

	FAREWELL DICK
	WITH 3 O'CLOCK SHADE
	ONE LAST TRICK 
	ON US HE PLAYED
	eat BURMA SHAVE

From: ilana@kiowa.scd.ucar.edu (Ilana)

	NOW HE'S SIX FEET
	UNDERGROUND
	WON'T HAVE DICK TO
	KICK AROUND
	BURMA SHAVE

From: wotnow@mace.cc.purdue.edu (James A. Gardner)
	
	DID HE DIE
	AND GO TO HECK OR
	IS HE UP THERE
	WITH PAT AND CHECKERS?
	BURMA SHAVE

From: mha1@Lehigh.EDU (Michael Alaimo)

	ON DROOPY JOWLS,
	'NEATH SKI SLOPE NOSE,
	TRICKY DICK'S FIVE O'CLOCK
	SHADOW GROWS.
	BURMA SHAVE.

From: hoppie@nemesis.EBay.Sun.COM (Tom Hopkins)

	IF RIGHT OR WRONG
	WHEN NIXON SAID
	I'M NOT A CROOK
	HE'S JUST AS DEAD.
	BURMA SHAVE

	THOUGH NIXON'S PLAYED
	HIS FINAL GAME
	BART SIMPSON'S FRIEND
	RETAINS HIS NAME
	BURMA SHAVE

From: andsol@cml.rice.edu (Andrew Solberg)

	NIXON HAD AN
	ANEURISM
	NOW HE'S GONE AND 
	WE'LL SURE MISS 'IM
	BURMA SHAVE

	IF HE'D LIVED
	HE'D SHOW HIS CHARM
	BY FLASHING "PEACE"
	WITH JUST ONE ARM
	BURMA SHAVE

From: geoff@ficus.CS.UCLA.EDU (Geoff Kuenning)

	Richard Nixon
	Rest in peace
	Now he's got no
	One to fleece

	Richard Nixon
	What a guy
	Glad he's sleeping
	In the sky

	Richard Nixon
	Blamed the press
	For his raging
	Stubbornness

	Watergate zapped
	Tricky Dick
	'Cause ol' Liddy
	Wasn't slick

From: roy@sendai.cybrspc.mn.org (Roy M. Silvernail)

	I AM NOT
	A CROOK, SAID HE
	FOLLOWING WITH
	PARDON ME
	BURMA SHAVE

From: David Fessenden 

	TRICKY
	DICKY
	DICKERED
	WITH COX
	BERMMA SHAVE

From: Sean P. Ryan 

	Vote for Nixon 
	In '72
	Why change dicks 
	In the middle of a screw
	Burma Shave

From: bc@wetware.com (monsieur HAINEUX)

	NIXON SAID HE'S
	NOT A CROOK
	AND ALL WE GOT WAS
	GEORGE BUSH
	BURMA SHAVE

From: "D.W. Moore" 

	YOU KNOW IT REALLY MAKES ME SICK, SON
	TO HEAR THIS PRAISE FOR RICHARD NIXON
	I WISH THE ROADS WITH SIGNS WERE PLASTERED
	THAT NIXON WAS A FIBBING BASTARD
	BURMA SHAVE

From: volpone@aol.com (Volpone)

	HAD HE DEWHISKERED
	BEFORE THE DEBATES
	VICTORY MIGHT HAVE
	TEMPERED HIS HATES
	BURMA SHAVE

From: benth@coho.halcyon.com (BENth)

  Kathleen came up with these, and I am posting
  them for her. I am so proud!

	NO LONGER HERE          STRAIGHT TO HELL
	TO EXCITE US            JUST LIKE A BOMB
	LIKE THE TIME HE        NIXON DROPPED
	HAD BURSITIS            ON VIETNAM
	BURMA SHAVE             BURMA SHAVE

	CAN WE GUESS            EVIL COWARD
	HOW NIXON FEELS         GONE TO HELL
	WITH SATAN NIPPING      SURE DID HATE HIM
	AT HIS HEELS            KNOW DARN WELL
	BURMA SHAVE             BURMA SHAVE

	NIXON, HOOVER,
	MCCARTHY, COHN
	SPIKED THEIR BALLS
	IN THE END ZONE
	BURMA SHAVE